


Equilibrium [Xerxes Break - Pandora Hearts]

by pandorahurts



Category: Manga - Fandom, Pandora Hearts, anime - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5083216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorahurts/pseuds/pandorahurts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Equilibrium - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced, a state of physical balance or a calm state of mind. For Lorina, equilibrium is something she can never achieve. <br/>With the emotional and physical turmoil she begins to face on a daily basis, all Lorina can do delve deep into the problems she is faced with to find the solution for her unanswered questions.<br/>However, with the unplanned discovery of new things, life isn't as simple as it once seemed. Lorina is forced to make choices that can either fix everything or send the world tumbling down into the wonderland known as the Abyss. With all of this chaos, will Lorina ever find out the truth and be able balance her life?</p>
<p>Can she find her equilibrium?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Calm before the storm

They say that the Abyss once used to be a place bathed in golden light, that it served as a paradise that only the chosen could bare witness to and inhabit. The Abyss was meant to be a sacred place, the topic of many fairy tales and people's dreams.

That was before it became warped. Now, dysfunctional and disillusioned like a child's broken toy box, the Abyss serves for only one purpose. It acts as the womb for giving life to the creatures known as 'chains', morphing everything pure and innocent into distasteful and hellish beings that feed on human emotions and their desires to change the past. That is how the Abyss lures you in, with the never attainable promise of altering history, therefore perhaps resurrecting a loved one or preventing a disaster.

The outcome however, is far from the empty lies the chains whisper. Even after falling into darkness and complying with the monsters, your wish is still not granted. Instead, you too are destined to fall into the hell known as the Abyss, only to find yourself being devoured by the very monsters you earlier put your faith in. And in the end, the past is still not altered and nothing is achieved.

Or so, that is what I've heard. Whether it is the truth or not, is not for me to decide, as no one will answer my queries nor satisfy my thirst for knowledge. The only stories of the Abyss told now are the exaggerated teachings passed along in attempt to keep children well behaved. Therefore I have never been offered any such proof to sway my opinion either way. That said, there has been no need for me to change my perception of the world we live in, or delve deeper into the apparent separate dimension known as 'The Abyss'.

That is what I had always believed. The Abyss had never affected me personally, so I had no reason to rely on its existence, nor indulge in the silly stories. 

That is what I had always believed. That is what I'd believed until now.


	2. Disruption of Balance

My eyes flickered towards the open window. The idyllic scenery outside captivated me every time, with its serene and tranquil nature calling out to me. It all seemed so peaceful. Would I be aloud out there today? Or would I be forced the endure this isolation, driving me once again to the brink of insanity.

For as long as I knew, I had been imprisoned within these stone walls, lacking any form of companionship or happiness. It was depressing, however it wasn't my place to complain, as fate seemed to place me here, without any memories or explanations.

When I was found, sprawled out on the gardens not so long ago, a man had kindly taken me in under his wing. That man was the head of this house and the only person I have come to put my trust in. Though, I am still left curious about my past, what was my life like before? I could only think to myself, scratching the surface of my mind in hopes of recovering any trace of my previous existence.

Did I have a family? A mother or father perhaps? The people here had yet to answer my queries, stating it not their place to say. I sighed, letting my hand brush the coldness of the stone surrounding me. I guess I still had something to be thankful for, if not for my savior I would be left without a bed or a roof to shelter me from the rain.

Slowly dragging me feet along the ground, I sluggishly made my way towards the large chestnut mirror in the center of the room. I didn't want to be seen as vain but with so little to do, I often found myself staring at my reflection, contemplating how my parents looked and wondering if I'd inherited any of their traits.

My hair was long and blonde, tangled slightly from the lack of effort I put into maintaining it. My skin was also fair, whether from genetics or lack of sunlight I didn't know. Also no one here knew my true age, though it had been estimated at late adolescent years, or early adulthood. I agreed with them. Nothing was too striking about me appearance wise, although my eyes were different to almost everyone else's. I couldn't remember the term used to describe them, heterochromia was it? Though most people referred to me as the child of misfortune or ill omen because of them. Although it did not bother me, instead I grew out my hair to cover them, simply hiding them from the world.

With nothing else to occupy my day, I sat anxiously on my bed, hoping to receive at least one visitor. However, with the comforting feeling of silky sheets against my body, my eyes began to grow heavy and my recent lack of sleep caught up to me. Feeling a wave of exhaustion overcome me, I found myself drifting off into a deep slumber, blocking out my surroundings.

When I awoke it was eerily quite. No birds sang outside my window, and the wind had come to a halt. Removing the covers from my body, I quietly edged towards the door in attempt to remain silent. However, as fate would have it, my clumsiness caused the vase near my bedside to fall, sending it cascading towards the ground. It smashed into minuscule pieces, defiling the silence and making my heart beat violently in my chest. I would be in a lot of trouble for that.

Forgetting my worries, I continued until I reached my door. I gave it a tentative push and surely it opened. My eyebrows furrowed, my door had always been locked, what could have happened? Still in my nightgown, and my unruly hair in no state to be seen, I crept throughout the manner looking for some explanation.

Something was wrong. The dozens of servants and regular guests were no where to be seen. No lively atmosphere shrouded the house as it usually did. And many doors were left unlocked, open for all to see. I needed to find the master, he at least should be able to explain the situation.

Disregarding my attempt to remain silent, I ran to the stairs desperately, trying to find any sign of life. When I reached another room I breathed heavily, I had been given self defense training daily, but my stamina had yet to improve. Cursing myself for my incompetence, I continued my search.

"Hello?" I called out, my voice cracking slightly from lack of use. My eyes darted around the empty rooms, anxiety coursing throughout my body. Suddenly something caught my eye, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

Crimson. It leaked out of the nearest room, ominously spreading across the marble floor. I know that room, who did it belong to? I felt bile rise up in my body as the sickening metallic smell filled my nose. There was no mistaking it, it had to be blood.

Creeping towards the entrance of the room, I picked up the ends of my nightgown and carefully avoided the seeping puddle. Once my bare feet had finally reached the door, I outstretched my arm to touch it, making it slowly creak open.

I took a sharp intake of breath. It couldn't be. I felt the tears spring to my eyes. My whole body began to shake. My legs gave in beneath me, making me collapse to the floor.

The lifeless corpse lay silent, pale skin now even paler, and dark chestnut hair splayed out around her. She looked so beautiful even with blood soaking her dress and body. I choked out her name as crimson liquid began to stain my clothes and skin. Who would've done this? She was only a child.

With no time to react nor mourn, and fresh tears staining my face, the room began to violently shake. I quickly stood to my feet, grasping the nearest object, to steady myself.

"An earthquake?" I croaked out, my vision beginning to blur along with my thoughts. Immediately, sounds of crashing and screeching filled the air as the whole manner began to crumble. I let out a useless scream as a pathetic cry for help. What was happening? What should I do?

Only moments later, and I began to feel my body become weightless, as if I was falling. It seemed to me that the entire manner was falling, spiraling into the depths of a rabbit hole, with me still in it. I was left to scream until my voice grew faint and my eyes drooped, as I began to lose consciousness.

Finally, it was as if the whole world grew blackened, and I was engulfed by darkness, as if by the Abyss itself.


	3. Unexpected Arrival

My eyelids felts heavy as did the rest of me. I was in a bright room, too bright to open my eyes. My entire body felt as if I had been in a deep slumber for a century. I furrowed my eyebrows as a searing pain coursed through my head. 

Slowly bringing my hand up to rub my temples, I heard a faint noise to the side of me. My eyes immediately flicked open and I sat up instinctively, only to feel someone grasp my wrist with their cold, harsh hand.

"Don't move." An icy voice broke the silence, his words cutting like a knife to flesh. 

I kept still, only adjusting my gaze to properly see the person. It was a man. His hair dark and unruly, similar to mine in a way. Also his eyes were a piercing golden color, I felt as if he was looking through me with a single glance. He was handsome, yet his aura was lethal.

Before I could react, I heard a door swiftly open, startling us both. However, I ceased the opportunity to release my wrist and quickly head towards the door, running as fast as my unstable legs would allow. 

Ignoring the angered shouts of the man behind me, I continued my escape, finally reaching the exit. My heart beat began to race, what was going on?

"Where do you think you're going?"

I froze, staring at the second figure occupying the doorway. His tone of voice was childlike and playful, however I could sense a more ominous intention beneath it. The man blocking my exit had a peculiar appearance. His hair was as white as snow, a rarity I'd never seen before. However what caught my attention most about the man, was his single crimson eye, sending shivers down my spine.

Unsure of my next course of action, I opened and closed my mouth, deciding my next choice of words. I remained silent, finally coming to the conclusion that I was mimicking a type of fish. This was all too much. When I awoke, I was in a strange place and now I'm in the company of even stranger people.

My head began to hurt again, and my body swayed a little. Before I could even adjust to the situation, three more people entered the room. This was all too overwhelming. I felt my legs give way beneath me as I sank to the floor below. 

"Are you alright?" A childlike voice addressed. I tilted my gaze upwards as warm hands helped me back to my feet.

"You look so pale, go and lie down." Another voice chimed, it belonged to a girl. Deciding it for the best, I nodded in approval, allowing myself to be escorted back to the bed.

"My deepest apologies." Finally, a voice separated itself from the chaos. Silence then fell over the room. I sighed in relief, finally I could get an explanation as to what was going on. "My name is Sharon Rainsworth, of the Rainsworth dukedom." She started, her voice regal and soothing, putting me at ease. "I am sorry for the misunderstandings, however it seems like the men here do not know how to properly treat a lady." She then glared at the two older men with sharp, disapproving eyes.

I suddenly shook my head, light finally coming to the situation. "It's quite alright." I assured. "I simply misunderstood their intentions." I spoke in an apologetic tone. Sharon seemed so mature, even though she was only a young girl.

I paused for a moment. I had so many questions I needed answers to. I cleared my throat slightly.

"Forget about that, what is she doing here?" I was interrupted by a familiar icy voice. I turned my head to meet the gaze of the man from before. His eyes showed annoyance, as did his body language. I returned his glare, unsure of what I'd done to make him so agitated.

"Please forgive Raven for his lack of manners." Sharon interrupted, giving the older man a look of warning. "However, we are all curious to know how you got here."

I nodded in agreement, thinking back to the last thing I could remember. I gasped. I drew a blank, as if my mind had been blocked by a thick concrete slab. I couldn't remember anything, my past, friends, family or how I came to be here.

"I-I can't remember." I stuttered, my hands shaking and my mind blurred. "I can't remember anything."

The room fell silent as everyone's eyes landed on me. They looked with pity and understanding. How could they possibly understand?

"Ah, it seems we have another amnesiac in the mix, it's a possibility that she too has sprouted up from the Abyss."

My breath caught in my throat as I heard the curious man speak. The Abyss. Something rang through my mind as if the word conjured up some familiarity. What was the Abyss? And why did it make a deep feeling of dread overcome me?

Eventually, a young boy began to speak. His features strongly resembled that of my own. With golden blond hair and emerald eyes we could be mistaken for siblings. However, only a single one of my eyes were that vibrant shade of green. The other was covered but my hair.

"This must be very confusing for you. Can you remember your name at least?" He addressed me with a smooth voice, comforting me a little.

I scrambled my mind for an answer. I had to at least remember my name, for a name is identity and proof that you exist.

"Lorina." I spoke with uncertainty, not sure of anything anymore. Did I have a last name? If so, I couldn't remember it. The youngest girl looked over to me, recognition glazing her eyes for a second. I sighed slightly, there was a sense of familiarity about her appearance too. Her hair was silky and a deep chestnut color. Also her eyes were a rare shade of amethyst, something I really did envy. Overall, she was beautiful.

"Lorina," The girl finally spoke. "The name's Alice, nice to meet you." Her tone was obnoxious yet charming at the same time. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Also, this here is my servant Oz," She spoke, gesturing the noble looking boy beside her. "And the clowny bastard over there is Break."

I nodded, trying to keep up with the various introductions. It was a lot to take in, but I had to show my gratitude at least. I bit my lip a little, I was forgetting something important.

"Excuse me, but what was it that you mentioned before?" I questioned curiously. "Something about the Abyss?" 

Everyone glanced knowingly at each other, making me feel and sense of unease. What were they not telling me?

After a detailed explanation given on the origin of the Abyss and the backgrounds of Oz and Alice, my mind began to swirl in a pathetic attempt of keeping up with the new information. Words such as chains, contractors and Pandora flowed through my mind as I began to feel overwhelmed once again.

"What are you insinuating?" I asked finally, understanding what they had meant. "That I am an illegal contractor, bond with a chain?" My tone began to sound sharp as anger bubbled up inside me. Oz glanced down towards the floor, looking guilty.

"Well there is only one way to find out." Break interrupted, childishly indulging in a piece of candy he'd obtained. "Unbutton your shirt." It took me a few seconds to react. Before I clenched my hands into fists and held my arms over my chest protectively.

"Excuse me?" I shrieked, ready to pounce on the man. Break simply laughed, happily eating his sweets. "How dare you ask such things from a lady?" I had only been in the presence of this man for less than an hour, and already I had a disliking for him and his immaturity.

"Please allow me to rephrase, my lady." Break cleared his throat a little, receiving violent looks from his mistress. "Since you have no memories it is quite possible that you have forgotten making a contract." I was about to interrupt, though I was silenced immediately. "Also, if you weren't forcefully pulled from the Abyss, how else could you escape it?" I wracked my mind for a possible answer.

"We still do not know that I came from the Abyss!" I retorted, feeling all eyes on me. My head started to painfully pound once again, causing me to knead my temples with my hand.

"Please don't push yourself." A voice consoled, Oz Vessalius was it? "All Break is trying to ask is; do you have an incuse or not?" I paused for a moment, going over the explanation I was given earlier. An incuse is the clock-like symbol present on a contractors chest, its hands also determine the time left before they are dropped into the Abyss. 

I gulped, unsure of the answer myself. With a faint layer of pink dusting my cheeks, I slowly undid the first buttons of my shirt. I gasped. Sure enough, a dark symbol was painted over my body, just below my collarbone. How could I not have known this? Lady Sharon began to walk closer to me, in attempt to examine my incuse. I felt disgusted with myself.

"Something is different with this incuse." Sharon announced after what felt like an eternity of silence.

"Different?" I queried. What was wrong with me? Was I to be dropped in the Abyss once again, my hands started to shake. 

"There are no hands to indicate the time you have left." The others nodded in agreement. What did this mean? Suddenly, without realizing, I began to feel my eyes well up with tears. 

"Lorina?" Alice questioned, her eyes looking soft. I felt so embarrassed, tears began to stream down my face without any reason at all. It just felt as if the events from today had finally caught up with me, sending me other the edge.

"I'm sorry." I took a deep breath. I still had so many questions, they all swam through my mind, making me feel nauseous. "What does this mean for me now." I began to feel suffocated by the room, desperately wanting to escape it, along with this nightmare I was now forced to endure.

Break made eye contact with me, inspecting the incuse on my chest. "It's very strange, but it suggests that you are not an illegal contractor." He spoke under his breath, raising his eyebrow suspiciously at me. I returned his gaze, he seemed not to trust me at all. "Therefore Pandora can not legally arrest you." I sighed a deep sigh of relief, this may not be as bad as it originally seemed.

"However, we would like to recruit you." He smirked, showing his true intentions. I froze for a moment, realizing that he was always two steps ahead, as if my situation were a game of chess to him. "Think of it as returning our gracious hospitality," He continued. "Keeping in mind that you were unconscious for over two days."

I felt my heart stop in my chest. Two days? I desperately look over towards Sharon, seeking help. Her facial expression remained the same, as did everyone else's in the room.

"But- what if I cannot fight, or summon my chain. What will you do then?" I spluttered, in hopes of finding an excuse. Being a member of Pandora would be frightening, and my seemingly clumsy nature would be ill suited for the job.

"I think you should consider it Rina." Sharon interrupted. "Is it alright if I call you that?" I nodded slowly, fond of the new nickname I'd been given. For some reason I had always associated the use of nicknames with friendship. "Being a member of Pandora is in your best interests too, as you will also be able to search for your memories along with Alice."

I bit my lip for a moment, realizing how selfish I'd been. Alice and Raven were also in a similar situation to my own, they had also lost their memories. Furthermore, I had lots to be thankful for, if not for Sharon I wouldn't have a bed or a roof to shelter me from the rain.

I sighed momentarily. "I accept." I announced, receiving smiles from Oz and Alice.

Later on that day is where things got harder. I was to be tested on my combat abilities, if I had any, and forced to summon my chain. I was anxious to say the least. And to make matters worse, Lady Sharon's servant, Break, was to be my opponent.

After I'd gotten changed out of the clothes I was wearing before, I was given new ones by Lady Sharon. However, it took some persuading for her to settle on anything other than a dress. 

"How do you know I'll be any good at this?" I repeated once again. Break and I were about to practice combat not involving our chains, though I didn't even know what my chain was. "Oz doesn't have to do this, so I shouldn't either." I childishly moaned in attempt to avoid practice.

"Oz has Alice as his chain, and Raven is able to protect him too." He spoke, exiting the manner into the spacious grounds outside. "Though you wouldn't want to place all of the burden onto Raven would you?" He teased, knowing my answer to his question.

Break hadn't changed from his usual clothing, but he did obtain a sword in the meantime. I wonder what weapon I'd be expected to use? When everyone had finally gathered together, I felt anticipation bubble up inside of me. I could tell instantly that this would be an easy fight for Break. Even from his posture it was easy to decipher his abilities. I could tell he was powerful, knightly even.

I on the other hand seemed to lack all grace and agility needed for battle. Sighing to myself, I continued to follow Break, waiting patiently for his instructions. Break stopped in the center of the large gardens and so did everyone else. Lady Sharon and the rest sat on the chairs laid out by the servants, observing what we'd do next.

"Why would you assume that I'd be any good at combat, why can't I just rely on my chain?" I asked, in one last pathetic attempt to back out. I knew I was being selfish, but I didn't like being the center of attention. It made me nervous.

"Good question." Break spoke in his usual childlike tone, handing me the sword he was holding. I raised an eyebrow, it was heavy to hold but also felt familiar in my hands. "This was found with you when you arrived." 

I blinked a few times. I had been able to wield a sword? Gazing down at the sharpened blade, I noticed the various engravings on it. It looked expensive, something I probably didn't own. "Are you sure this belonged to me?" I questioned, running my hand along the crafted hilt. Break only nodded before unsheathing his cane to also reveal a sword.

"You can't always rely on chains during a battle."Break started, slowly walking around me, his usual demeanor changing slightly. "Some powerful chains drain too much power from their contractors, leaving them exhausted." I nodded, listening intently. However, I couldn't see someone like myself being able to make a contract with such a powerful chain.

"So," Break concluded, coming to a halt and turning to face me. "We must fight."

Without any warning or time to prepare, Break lunged at me full force. He was fast. I could only dodge, flailing my arms in attempt to find the correct stance. 

Break took no time to recover, aiming his sword at my from different angles, trying to catch me off guard. I continuously dodged, not confident enough to use my own sword yet.

"If this were a real fight you'd be dead by now, you know." He taunted, no signs of breathlessness present in his voice. I however, clumsily changed directions, unsure of my footwork. 

Suddenly, Break thrust his sword directly towards me, only inches away from my face. A scream rose up in my throat, however it did not sound. Instinctively my arms rose, blocking his sword with my own. He grinned, finally forcing a response from me.

"Show that clowny bastard what for!" Came a shout from the sidelines, no doubt from Alice. I smiled a little, feeling confidence start to overcome me. As Break gave me no time to rest, he continued to slash at me extremely quickly. My eyes could hardly keep up with his movements however, my body seemed to move on its own. It was as if years of combat knowledge flooded into my mind, and my reflex's allowed me to hold my own.

However too much confidence seemed to get the best of me, as I let my guard down for a moment and suddenly I was backed into a corner, coming into contact with a harsh stone wall. 

"You put up a good fight." Break finally came closer to me, trapping me where I stood. Then, lacking any trace mercy in his eyes, he outstretched his arm along with his sword. I gulped as he moved it closer to my neck, the tip of the metal grazing my pale skin.

"But I wont go easy on you next time."

**Author's Note:**

> ♠ You can also find this story on Quotev and Wattpad ♠


End file.
